some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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