Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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