we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
