Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
