I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
