What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
