I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
