Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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