C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
