i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
