explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
