I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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