Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My vagina is very pro this idea
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
