Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
