where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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