dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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