it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No I am not eating basil off your cock
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize