I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
