just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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