You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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