And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
