I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
