Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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