Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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