Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
