sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
