I will die if light touches me.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
