She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
