FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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