so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
