If i come over, it means nothing
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
