I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
