I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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