All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
