she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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