what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
