And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
