I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
