dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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