Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
