fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I currently don't understand fingers.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
