I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
