The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk is a universal language darling
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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