Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
