where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Found the puke drawer
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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