i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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