think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
