I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
