i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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