I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize