we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Even my vagina gasped.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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