thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
