when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
