you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize