shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
