You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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