You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
