Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You don't make any sense
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