If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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