I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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