did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
