I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
