The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
