after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
