my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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