just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
