so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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