And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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