Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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