Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
