She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
