THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
