He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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