I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
