i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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