I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
