I just saw a hot homeless man
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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