He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
