I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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