Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
