she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
