College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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