Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
