Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
