So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And then he peed in my hair
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