I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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