I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
