You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
