You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
