I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
