I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
