Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
