you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
