I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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