we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
