there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
