3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
