well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
