I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
