Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
