Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
